I don’t know about you guys… but I’m an overthinker.

I can overthink almost anything and everything there is to overthink about.

The month of August was no different.

I almost drove myself crazy with overthinking, worry, anxiety, all the what-ifs of everything.

I wasn’t sleeping very well. Some nights I did. But there were quite a few nights where I was awake for several hours thinking about everything.

Then, a few nights ago, something interesting happened.

I was asleep in my bed and had a dream.

What’s interesting about that? Well, it was kind of a different dream.

In my dream, I was laying in my bed the way I was in reality. I felt such a heaviness over me. It was almost suffocating. I felt like I could hardly get a breath in. And I turned to look behind me. That was also a struggle because of the heaviness I felt. I was trying to talk, but the words were hard to get out. I was working very hard to speak. And then I did.

Slowly, I got the words out.

“I rebuke you.”

I woke up with my body turned, looking behind me, and I had said the words out loud. That was what woke me up.

In my dream, and in reality, I said, “I rebuke you.”

For a moment, I thought, “That was weird.” And I went back to sleep.

Quite honestly, while reflecting back on this dream, I realized that for the last 3-4 nights since this dream, I have slept better.

It was as if all the worry and anxiety I was carrying for the last month made its presence known. It was suffocating.

It’s like an illustration of anxiety itself.

What if this happens?

What if that doesn’t work out?

What will I do then?

How will I afford that?

What does this mean?

What’s going to happen next?

What if, what if, what if!!

I did something in my dream that I haven’t learned to do in my everyday life.

I rebuked it.

What if I started practicing what I believed?

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” -2 Corinthians 10:5

I can’t always control the first thought that enters my mind. But I don’t have to let every thought take up residence there.  

David wrote in the Psalms, “In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.” (Psalm 4:8)

I like the wording, “You alone.”

Not my ability to anticipate every problem.

Not having all the answers.

Not knowing what is behind me.

Not knowing what happens next.

You alone.

Maybe I’ve been waiting for answers to give me peace when peace was never supposed to come from answers.

Psalm 4:8 doesn’t say, “In peace I will lie down and sleep because I finally know how everything is going to work out.”

It says, “for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.”

That’s different.

Because if my peace depends on knowing what’s coming next, I’m probably never going to have much peace. There will always be another unknown. Another what-if. Another thing I can’t control.

But if my peace comes from knowing Who is with me, I don’t have to see what’s behind me before I can rest.

In fact, Psalm 4 was written while David was dealing with distress and uncertainty. He calls out to God in distress. He talks about trusting God. Then, he ends it with being able to lie down in peace.

It illustrates movement:

distress → prayer → trust → peace → sleep

We all want peace.

But what if peace doesn’t require me to know what’s behind me?

I don’t have to understand everything I’m afraid of, worried about, or overthinking before I can rest.

Am I going to stop overthinking after writing this?

Probably not. If only it were that easy.

But maybe next time my mind starts running through every possible scenario, I can remember that night.

I never saw what was behind me.

I didn’t get an explanation.

I didn’t get an answer.

I just went back to sleep.